By Victoria DiMartino, Staff Writer
If there is one good thing that came out of COVID-19, it’s that all of you people in relationships who have never had to do long-distance had to do it some way, shape or form in the spring. You finally understand my pain! Another good thing that came out of COVID-19 was our ability to master the digital relationship. I’ve been doing it for years and I would say that I was close to mastery, but this quarantine really upped the ante.
I think one thing that always helps long-distance relationships is having a foundation. I don’t think you can have a solid foundation with having been physically close together for an extended period of time before you go long-distance. You ever wonder why that last month of college together never works out? It’s because now you’re four states away and you don’t have a connection that is stronger than the distance. You haven’t made any big deposits into your love bank!
Nowadays with COVID-19, a long-distance relationship might be something that happened, but you didn’t sign up for. Maybe you started dating right before COVID-19 and now you’re apart because you’re remote and he’s not. There’s a lot that goes into that before this semester even started, but the biggest problem is that you weren’t together that long before you had to be apart. So, do you like, or dare I say even love, this person enough to struggle through the long-distance waters to stay with them?
One thing to think about with your long-distance relationship is: what is keeping you apart physically? Distance is the obvious answer so you can’t say that, but is it different schools or regulations, separates you? Whatever the answer is, consider if these barriers or challengers are long term or short term because if this is something you can power through until you’re together again great. But as we see with Jim and Pam in “The Office,” it can be damaging to a relationship if a conflict has no end in sight.
There are so many stressors in life right now, my body is physically taking a toll from all the mental trapeze acts I have going in my brain. Juggling school, extracurriculars, leadership and work can take a toll on you so much that at the end of the day your battery is drained to the point that you can’t give anything. How do you keep the flame of a relationship going when you have no gasoline?
It can be super hard and as someone in that situation, I know the feeling of exhaustion to the point where you don’t have anything to give to your partner and you feel awful because you know the love is there, you just don’t have the battery power to express it. And you can feel guilty for feeling like you’re neglecting this person who could so easily just choose someone 1000 miles closer to them.
That’s where the beauty of time management and technology come in.
You have to make time for the other person. And trust me I know how hard it is when your schedule is booked 25/8, but if you want this person in your life you need to schedule them in like you schedule in a meeting with your professor. That can make it feel so inauthentic and inorganic for a relationship, but if you are long-distance this is going to be the thing that saves you. Think about it, you mentally prepare yourself for every social interaction you have on your calendar, you need to do the same for your virtual relationship because just because you have that spare five minutes doesn’t mean you have the energy on the drop of a dime.
You don’t have the luxury of passing each other on the way to class, or getting lunch and holding hands while you eat. Your relationship is so stripped of the natural qualities that personal time together is all you have to make up for the inefficiencies of distance. All you have is their face and their voice. But that’s why they invented facetime, and mobile ordering for Dominos and Netflix parties. Technology can help you do all the things you wish you could do in person.
And don’t forget the beauty of mail. The modern technology of cars and trains and planes means that you can handwrite a letter for the person you love, spray it with your perfume, and kiss it (maybe not for COVID-19!) as you drop it in the mailbox. You can send flowers from the florist down the street from their home. You can wear your favorite sweatshirt and fill it with your scent, before you send it their way. Anything you can do to show them that you’re making time for them, giving them that extra effort will make your relationship go the distance.
The more little things you do for them to remind them of your love will only make you love them more. You’re putting in all this effort and love for this person, you see the value in them, the beauty of their soul, doesn’t that make the distance seem smaller?
