By Danielle Bettendorf, Living & Arts Editor
When I started writing this editorial, I really didn’t know where to start, because I didn’t know how to talk about something that no one talks about: not loving yourself-and how horrible and how normal it is.
Growing up, suffering from depression and anxiety, I was a really shy kid who didn’t have a whole lot of self-esteem. I was always the kid who never talked in class, who always second guessed their worth and who could be praised a million times but never feel like they were doing enough.
And i’m not saying that’s completely changed-there are situations where i’ll be doing fine, but still feel like i’m drowning: like no matter what I do, i’ll never be good enough.
People will say, “no one will love you until you love yourself”-but I think that’s completely absurd.
Self-love can be the hardest thing in the world and can feel even worse when it becomes an obstacle to over-come before you can get any further. For people struggling to love themselves, the argument can seem like a catch-22: can’t love yourself until someone loves you, but they won’t love you until you love yourself.
It is so hard to love yourself: loving yourself is saying “screw you” in a world were it’s so easy to give in to self-doubts and self-hatred and let negative thoughts overcome your mind.
I didn’t start to love myself because I read a self-help book, or because I had a life-changing experience that made me reevaluate my world view. I started to love myself after realizing that other people loved me. I took in what they said and I look at myself through their eyes.
It didn’t take a day for things to change and I won’t pretend like things are perfect now. I still struggle with how I see myself and there are a lot of days when it feels like things won’t get better. I know that most if not all of my friends are in the same boat, even when we’re reluctant to reach out to others.
I realized that everyone around me was kind of suffering in the same way: we were all willing to drop the world for each other, but let ourselves go. We would do so much for other people and nothing for ourselves.
I’m a better person today than I was yesterday and I think i’ll be an even better person tomorrow. I’m not ashamed to say that i’m better because of people around me-i’m trying to be that positive influence for other people, too. I am where I am today because of the people around me and i’m nothing but grateful for them.
I don’t know if I can completely say I love myself, but i’m trying-and even though I waver, even though I still have shaky days, one day i’ll confidently believe that i’m good enough.
