By Justus Sturtevant Editor in chief
I woke up around 9 a.m. on Sunday with a pretty good plan for the day: Skype with my sibling for an hour or two in the morning, get lunch, knock out some homework and then head to practice at 3 p.m.
It seemed manageable enough when I logged into Skype just before 10 a.m. Yet there I was four-and-a-half-hours later gobbling down some trail mix as I said goodbye to my sibling with just enough time to change and walk across campus for practice.
I consider myself incredibly fortunate to have such a good relationship with my older sibling. Growing up, I was always blown away by their intelligence and passion, and to this day they are one of the only people in the world whose voice I value enough to sway my own opinions without much other evidence.
When Lane and I were both in high school, they let their friends buzz their hair, prompting a few people to ask me questions like, “So is your sister a lesbian or something?”
During their sophomore year of college, I heard Lane’s friends using the name Lane, which is not their birthname, and they, their, theirs pronouns. Lane never had an official conversation with me about their gender identity, like they did with our parents, but it did not take me long to figure it out after spending time with Lane’s friends and knowing them so well.
The topic of gender identity came up on Sunday, as it does on occasion when we talk. At one point I asked Lane what people like myself—neither of us loves the term ally—can do to best demonstrate our support for members of the queer community in a way that is genuine to who we are and helpful to others.
There are a few things you should know at this point: First, as this conversation was occurring I was wearing an outfit—sneakers, sweatpants, a hoodie and a backwards baseball cap to cover my unwashed hair—that is not entirely unusual for me; it is also an outfit that can cause others to label me as a “bro,” a term not generally associated with supporters of the queer community.
Second, I am not an outspoken person when it comes to most things. I am not shy by any means, but unless my insight is asked for or I witness something I consider to be an inexcusable transgression I usually do not advertise my beliefs.
Nor do I find it helpful for cisgender people to walk around telling everyone they meet, “I am an ally,” an opinion that Lane backed up.
So how does someone like myself make it clear that we do support queer individuals and are willing to advocate for them?
Some of the more obvious answers to this question are to attend meetings of groups like Susquehanna’s Gender and Sexuality Alliance and to participate in rallies.
I don’t think someone needs to do these things to be supportive however. After all, not all supporters of climate change regulations attend climate marches, and if everyone attended GSA meetings it would not be the same close-knit group that it is today.
Being supportive is about how you live and the conscious and unconscious decisions you make. Here are a few conclusions I have come to—with the help of Lane and others—about being a supportive member of the community:
Don’t make it about you. Lane told me that they have been to a number of meetings of Bowdoin Queer Straight Alliance where straight individuals have felt the need to clarify their gender identity and sexuality multiple times. Attending such a meeting as a straight person might seem like a supportive thing to do, but not if you are making it about you and not if you feel the need to make it clear that you are straight as if someone making the assumption you are not would be a bad thing.
Normalize pronoun sharing. One of the things Lane told me they appreciate is when cisgender people initiate sharing pronouns. First, it makes it seem less out of place when someone who is transgender or non-binary shares their pronouns. Second, it demonstrates your understanding and support in a more casual manner than overtly announcing, “I am an ally.”
I’m not saying you need to use your pronouns every time you introduce yourself to someone, but if you are in a position of power in an organization-a manager, a captain, an RA, etc.—it can go a long way if you ask people to include their pronouns with their name and do so yourself. This is especially true when it comes from straight people, because it demonstrates unity and support.
Always be looking to improve your understanding. My primary source for information related to gender and sexuality is Lane, who is a tremendous source, but that doesn’t mean I never utilize other resources. One source I found recently is a YouTube video titled “What is Gender?” by the channel Philosophy Tube. The video is less than ten minutes long, so clearly it only begins to scratch the surface of a very complex issue, but it does a good job of introducing important concepts in a fairly objective way.
There are many ways to support queer people around you in big and small ways. These are just a few examples of things you can do. Just know that your actions, both positive and negative, can have a significant impact. We are all responsible for making our community a more inclusive place.
The editorials of The Quill reflect the views of individual members of the editorial board. They do not necessarily reflect the views of the entire editorial board or of the university. The content of the Forum page is the responsibility of the editor in chief and the Forum editor.
