By Christiana Paradis (she/her), Director of Title IX Compliance and Wynn Phillips (she/her), Director of Violence Prevention
While perceptions have begun to shift in our culture about dating violence, there are still many people who may be unaware they are experiencing emotional abuse because of the misconception that ‘real’ abuse is only physical. However, emotional abuse is a widely recognized legitimate form of harm and becoming more prevalent in a variety of ways. Often, it is used by the abusing partner to erode a person’s self-esteem and self-worth and create a psychological/emotional dependency on the abusive partner. Abuse centers on power and control, emotional abuse can include, but is not limited to:
- being intimidated, controlled, or threatened by your partner;
- being isolated from other relationships in your life such as friends and family;
- having your text conversations monitored or passwords shared so that they have access to all digital information;
- being made to feel guilty for your feelings and needs, or for their behavior;
- being belittled or insulted;
- being yelled or screamed at;
- having your values and beliefs degraded or minimized.
Sometimes those who suffer from mental health concerns are shamed or belittled for their diagnosis or have their mental health used against them by their partner.
If someone is in an emotionally abusive relationship, they may experience gaslighting, or being manipulated into questioning their own sanity by a partner. Gaslighting is not simply lying or someone changing their story. It is the deliberate and ongoing form of manipulation to make someone question their own sanity by deeming their perception of reality to be unreliable or /untrue. Consider the following example:
Jordan is dating someone who monitors their conversations with other people and constantly insults their appearance or ability to do things. When Jordan is struggling with their depression their partner makes fun of them because they don’t get out of bed or shower, they call them “useless,” and tell them they “smell because they don’t take care of themselves” and that “no one else will ever want them” because they are too “ill.” When Jordan tries to confront them about their behavior, they gaslight Jordan and say Jordan is making these conversations up and must have imagined them. Furthermore, Jordan’s partner states that Jordan’s behavior is making their own anxiety worse and that if Jordan took “better care of themselves, they wouldn’t be so anxious.” Jordan’s depression also starts to worsen because of their relationship.
What were some red flags you may have noticed in this example? How did Jordan’s partner emotionally abuse Jordan because of their depression? How is this relationship impacting Jordan’s mental health?
Emotionally abusive relationships can have a variety of intersections with mental health. As highlighted in this example, someone’s mental health can be weaponized against them or used as a justification for abuse. Furthermore, experiencing dating violence or an unhealthy relationship can further impact someone’s mental health. Additionally, the mental health of the person doing harm could also be a factor in their behavior and the relationship may also be impacting their mental health. While mental health is never a cause for violence it can escalate a situation.
If someone you know is experiencing an unhealthy relationship, confidential services are available 24/7 through Transitions of PA, our local domestic and sexual violence center. They have a campus advocate in the VIP Center who can meet with you. Contact 1-800-850-7948 for their 24/7 hotline or stop in the VIP Center on Mondays 12 p.m. to 4 p.m. and Thursdays 8 a.m. to 12 p.m. for drop-in hours. Someone will be available full-time starting the week of November 27. Furthermore, the Title IX Office can help review options and connect you to additional campus services. You can file a Title IX Report here.