By Rylee Baker
Most adults described college to me as “The best time of their lives!” Many people at my high school graduation gifted me with the same advice: “Stay out of trouble and have fun.” Movies like “Spring Breakers” and “Project X” showcase college as a fast-pace, high-chasing party scene where students all have large groups of friends and plenty of time to party.
There’s a societal notion that college is this amazing experience full of dancing, parties and friends. This expectation gets set up for younger people through social media and previous alumni. This notion brings along with it a plague of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) to students. FOMO can feel as though not being constantly surrounded by people or not having plans on the weekends makes you a loser. So why, when surrounded by so many people, can college feel so lonely?
The reality is far more complex than just arriving at college and having all the pieces fall into place. Making friends isn’t as easy as joining a club or saying ‘hi’ to your hallmates. In 2019, the American College Health Association conducted a study and found that 65.6% of college students across America reported feeling lonely in school after one year. So, it’s common to find yourself still feeling alone, even if you’re friendly with many peers. Finding people you connect with among a crowd of thousands can be intimidating and awkward.
Loneliness can especially feel draining when seeing others on campus constantly walking with someone, smiling and chatting. All while you’re alone. Social media doesn’t do any favors either. It can feel like everybody’s feeds are blowing up with social gatherings and good times. Everyone else seems so put together.
It’s easy to blame yourself when you feel different from other people, but the truth is that what you often see is rarely reality. Almost every student in college has felt a bout of loneliness, and it’s easy to see why. Students must uproot their lives multiple times a year and say goodbye to their loved ones. Often, students come to college not knowing anyone, becoming enveloped in the pressure of creating a whole new set of friends.
Feeling lonely even though you may have many acquaintances may seem contradictory, but it’s common. Psychology Today wrote, “Loneliness is as tied to the quality of one’s relationships as it is to the number of connections one has. And it doesn’t only stem from heartache or isolation. A lack of authenticity in relationships can result in feelings of loneliness.”
So, check in with yourself. Are you truly alone? It’s completely ok to take a step back and recoup. The college environment is overwhelming; take a weekend trip home. Recharging is always worth the FOMO. Find something that serves you. Maybe that’s reading or working out. But take something you enjoy and find others who share your interests. Joining clubs and organizations is a great way to do this. Lastly, talk to those in your circle, even if you don’t feel very close to them; get to know them. Having only one or two deep connections with someone is more than many get in a lifetime.
Your “people” also don’t have to be from your college. I have many deep connections with people who don’t even go to school with me but that doesn’t change the love I feel for them or the happiness they bring me. Keep in touch with the people who make you happy. LinkedIn posted an article where they focused on the statement, “A 12-minute talk with your friend can change your whole way of thinking.”
Keep your connections close, hold them and focus your energy on the things that serve you. No matter how deep of a hole you’re in, you’re never truly alone. And as long as you’re alive, someone will be there to lend an ear.
For anyone who may need it, the Suicide Hotline: 988 or 800-273-8255