By Rylee Baker
**This article contains content related to eating disorders and mental health that may be triggering to some readers**
I felt a cold hand caress my arm as I slowly faded out of REM and back into reality. The caressing got a tad more aggressive turning into the hand shaking my shoulder. I ripped off my headphones and face mask to see a female nurse hovering over me.
It was 6 a.m., time to take my vitals.
The nurses took my vitals twice a day, once in the morning and once at night. This routine consisted of taking my blood to check my potassium and phosphate levels, getting weighed, checking my heart rate through the night/day and then having to pee in a cup.
Here’s the catch, you aren’t to be in the bathroom alone, ever. Doesn’t matter if you’re using the toilet or showering, someone is always keeping watch. By the time I was discharged and arrived home, my arms were covered in needle stabs and bruises from the doctors having to switch veins every few days.
So how did I get here? Spending my days in a hospital bed getting poked and prodded? I had an eating disorder, more specifically, Anorexia Nervosa, and it was killing me.
According to the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders (ANAD) eating disorders affect 9% of Americans in high school with college students being most at risk. Every 52 minutes someone dies because of an eating disorder.
Since 2015 eating disorders on college campuses have risen 31% for men and 52% for women. At the same time, social media creates unrealistic social pressures. However, anorexia is not the only eating disorder. Two other prominent ones are Bulimia and Binge Eating disorder.
Bulimia is an eating disorder characterized by episodes of binge eating that are followed by compensatory behaviors such as purging, fasting and/or excessive exercise, according to the National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA). Many times, this disease starts from social pressures and body image issues but can quickly turn into something even more detrimental.
Take binge eating for instance, proof that food is used for more than just a way to fuel yourself and get energy. The NEDA characterizes binge eating as eating an atypically large amount of food in a short period while feeling a loss of control during the episode and immense shame and guilt afterward.
Binging has nothing to do with a person’s perspective on their outward appearance, instead, it’s a loss of control in oneself, a coping mechanism developed in response to overwhelming emotions. Because of societal aesthetics and pressures, binging often leads to purging and can create bulimic habits in many people.
It is important to remember that eating disorders don’t discriminate. It doesn’t matter if you are overweight or underweight, an eating disorder is easy to develop, especially as a young adult on a college campus facing social struggles and stressors. Many people are unaware that they may be exhibiting symptoms of an eating disorder, so they don’t know the dangers of this potentially life-long illness.
For example, anorexia is described as having a persistent reduction of food intake that often leads to low body weight. What most people don’t know is that you don’t have to check your body mass index (BMI) to be diagnosed with anorexia, the struggles and dangers can be present in any body type.
Take myself, I had lost a large amount of weight in only a few short months but when looking at my BMI, I was still in the green.
What I didn’t know was that the phosphate protecting my heart was slowly being eaten by my body which caused my heart to slow down more and more every day. The day before I was sent to the hospital my heart rate was at 20 beats per minute (BPM), a healthy heart would be around 50 to 80 BPM.
This wasn’t the only problem either: my body was so weak it had slowed down my metabolism and brain function to save energy, so I was unable to think at a normal pace. It was like constantly having a block in my head that made my thought process ten times slower.
My body could barely digest the food I was eating, and because I was eating so little, I would only go to the bathroom once a week. Through starving myself I developed osteoporosis, which means I was losing strength in my bones, making it extremely difficult to pick up anything over ten pounds.
I remember a doctor standing over my bed telling me in just a few short weeks my heart would have given out under the immense pressure I was putting my body under. I would have been dead. But my BMI said I was healthy, right?
There weren’t only physical problems either. I had developed a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). I spent my days shivering with anxiety over what I was going to eat for the next week and how I was going to burn as many calories as possible.
I found myself becoming so depressed. If I had eaten the wrong thing or didn’t reach my step goals, I struggled to find a reason to get out of bed. These thoughts didn’t go away even when I was physically in a healthier state, and the worst part about it all, I thought I was healthy.
Despite what every medical professional told me; my disease told me I was fine. There was a sort of comfort and euphoria every time I would see the numbers decrease on the scale or when I felt so exhausted I thought I was going to pass out.
It took years of outpatient programs and therapy to eradicate many of my old beliefs and learn how to live normally again.
But anorexia isn’t the only life-threatening eating disorder. Bulimia and binge eating come with their own set of detrimental risks.
According to Johns Hopkins Medicine, bulimia can result in stomach ruptures, digestion issues, swollen lymph nodes, teeth loss and many more health risks. The act of acid flying through the esophagus every day can cause permanent damage.
Binge eating comes with the risk of diabetes, high blood pressure and heart disease. Not to mention the debilitating mental struggles that come along with any eating disorder.
It’s not trendy, it’s not funny and it’s certainly not worth it. Bragging about not eating or throwing up your food is not only sad but destructive. It should never be normalized to hurt yourself.
For those who are battling an eating disorder, there is light, it does not have to be that way. Nobody should have to spend every waking moment fighting themselves while doing the basic human function of eating.
Life does not have to be a war zone, there is peace. Even for those who have struggled for years, recovery is possible.
If you find yourself or your friends exhibiting some of these behaviors, please reach out to someone.
Life can be pleasant and serene, there is hope.
For on campus support, you can visit the Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) building Monday through Friday from 9 a.m. to noon and 1 p.m. to 4 p.m. to meet with a therapist in person, or call (570)-372-4751 and select Option 2 to connect with emergency mental health services.
You can also contact the National Eating Disorders Helpline at (800) 931-2237 or text “NEDA” to 741741 for immediate support.